Le Conteur (The Storyteller)

2010-03-25T20:23:00.001+08:00

I've tumbled to somewhere. Guess where (Clue's in the sentence)

WHOA! UPDATE?

2010-02-21T17:49:00.002+08:00

Wow.

It's been a long time since I've updated this blog. Would've sworn I saw cobwebs and dust all around the site. =P

Anyway, UT3's done and gone, along with year 1 in RP. I'd say it was a pretty good year. Well, to be honest, 70% percent of the time due to misunderstandings, fights, childish behaviours, PMS facilitators, boring facilitators, fucked up modules, stupidity and such.

Communication with my semester 1 W16R is almost non-existant with the exception of a few chats and comments in facebook by Mira, Nanthini, Afeeq and some rare few.

Communication with my semester 2 W45H is, well, ALSO non-existant but I do chat with some guys and gals from time to time on FB and MSN.

Speaking of W45H, there's supposed to be some sort of BBQ organized by my Marketing faci somewhere in Feb or March but so far I haven't any new news about it along with that chalet that's supposed to be around Mid March. I'm hoping there is one since I'm pretty much dying at home right now.

Looking for a job now but stangely most of the jobs are in West side which is a bummer.

Most of my time now is messaging this particular person (and laughing sometimes and speaking crazy)and chatting with the usuals on msn and looking up for reading material online or play some scary games that would scare the pants out off you.

Here's a taste (no sound from gameplay though):

Although, I don't play so much but it keeps me entertained from time to time.

Eventhough I haven't exercised much, I'm still healthy and wee bit fit though. Hehe
But I think I might have to start exercising at some point in time. NS in less than 2 years.

Another update when I feel like it.

Or if forced/persuaded/tortured.

Errrrrrrrr. Hello?

2009-12-24T16:57:00.002+08:00

Been getting a few 'nags' from some certain people for not updating my blog so yeah, here's my update. =)

So far, everything's been quite peachy now and then, some are monumental but some are quite average and some are some I would not like to talk about ever.

Still no job but considering on that SAF or Police bond that I've been eyeing on for about a month or so. I mean, it would be greatly useful with that 1000 bucks allowance they give every month or 1200 if you do well in poly but I'm not sure if I can commit 5 more years in SAF or police after NS.

But due to my interest in weapons, army tactics and such (Yes, I am a self confessed gun nut and I like guns more than the other guy), I think that wouldn't be such a problem for me since I've already endured so much for NCC and I would be able to endure more if in NS or in the SAF.

Even if, some of the times it's like waiting to die.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

=DDD

2009-12-03T14:17:00.001+08:00

HTC Touch2

2009-11-30T19:34:00.001+08:00

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The world would be better with...

2009-11-17T08:40:00.002+08:00

More COLOUR & EXPLOSIONS!

Hmmm

2009-11-14T15:41:00.000+08:00

I can't wait to see her again
=)

When we're thinking of nothing

2009-11-04T09:19:00.001+08:00

Women cant handle that shit. She will always come up to you and when you are having your 15 minutes of thoughtless time and always come over "*woman tone* What are you thinking about?" And we tell you what we were thinking about "Nothing". Its messed up when you tell your woman the truth, and that's the wrong answer. "C'mon you had to be thinking about something" "No, i wasn't". Really, they start accusing you. "Why wont you tell me what you were thinking?" " What do you think I'm hiding my fucking thoughts? Even if I was, they are my fucking thoughts. If I wanted them to be real, I would have said them." "You always do this shit" "Do what shit?" "Why wont you tell me what you are thinking about? Share with me!!!" And its at that moment we have to make a decision and you force us to lie to you. We have to invent a story right then and there to tell you what we were thinking just so that you don't think we are retarded. "All right, all right. I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was just thinking about how pretty you are" - Russel Peters

Glycerine

2009-10-28T20:26:00.001+08:00

I wanna do this song really soon

Scars?

2009-10-24T16:39:00.002+08:00

Can anyone explain to me how I got 2 weird scars on my left shoulder? No one? Oh bollocks....

I guess this is my weakness

2009-10-20T22:08:00.006+08:00

Yesterday was not a good day.
I won't go through the details
but just in case that someone reads this, I'll just say it out here:

I had to admit though,
I was a total jackass at the time,
a somewhat hating jackass if to put in specific terms,
I wasn't quite sure what was going on in my mind
but boy, did it have some serious repercussions after that night
It was like my mind thought it was right but my heart didn't quite agree with it after saying what I said
There were a few signs though that hinted me about something
the first one was when I was searching pictures for a heart logo for today's Comms problem
There was this picture with a quote I can't remember but it did remind me of something
The second one was when I was on the bus going home from woodlands interchange
listening to music on my psp and I glanced over to the TV Mobile screen which was a seat away from me
There was a quote saying not to relinquish relationships but to correct them and try to salvage them in anyway you can because the relationships you get in life are important later on
That wasn't exactly the quote but my description fits what the quote was trying to say

That made me stay awake for quite some time through the journey to Tampines

This wasn't the first time something like this happened though
the first time it happened, all the strings attached were cut off
no calls
no more talking
no more contacts
nothing

I still remember it though
I kinda regretted it whenever I hear this particular song (which is in the playlist I think)
because that was the song she loved so much
and whenever I hear it, it sinks the mood down to epic proportions

The signs that were given to me today was kinda like someone or something was telling me something
I think I know it now
I guess those signs reminded me of the promise I made to be nice to every girl I meet (guys are an exception) and no matter how shitty the situation has become, I would not hate her for anything or have long term hatred (long term as in a day or two)
and after that, I would treat her like any normal friend
nothing special

just an ordinary friend

but this one I'm dealing with is no ordinary friend
she reminds me of the past
She's got this certain something which hooks me back
which has its creepy similarities
I guess someone upstairs wanted to make the same situation again and see how I can fix it
now that I've learnt so much
thanks to experience and also thanks to her and her(the new and the past respectively)
Right now, I have an idea of what to do but not sure how to execute it
but i will

I won't make the same mistake twice

Go with the flow

2009-10-19T20:55:00.000+08:00

Falling in and out of love
With something sweet to throw away.
But I want something good to die for
To make it beautiful to live.
I want a new mistake, lose is more than hesitate.
Do you believe it in your head?
I can go with the flow
But don't say it doesn't matter anymore

I can go with the flow

Don't speak liar

2009-10-19T14:02:00.000+08:00

Just sit back
And tell me
I'm a liar for this
Don't roll your eyes
Rewind
This happens
Way too many times

So sit back
And tell me that your
Tired of this
I know
I'll grow up someday
But it's 2am
And I'm too high and dry
And I won't come down to

So when I come back
I won't say a word
I know
I've said this before
Don't speak, liar

No we won't talk
We won't say a word
I know
You've heard this before
Don't speak, liar

Sit back
And tell me why
I'm so prone to this
Do you think I'm fond of
Getting you and letting you down
And I'll get mine soon

So when I come back
I won't say a word
I know
I've said this before
Don't speak, liar

No we won't talk
We won't say a word
I know
You've heard this before
Don't speak, liar

And if the story ends here
I can't be surprised to find
Your eyes are open wide
And that I have inspired you

And when you come back
Don't say a word
I know
You've said this before
Don't speak, liar

No we won't talk
We won't say a word
I know
We've heard this before
Don't speak, liar
Don't speak, liar
Whoa-oh

Don't speak, liar

Fucking Fuck Fucks

2009-10-18T23:28:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna look the other way now

Sometimes, I don't even know why I bother to try and get to know people, especially people I like, and get somewhere in their lives
When I try and eventually get somewhere, something unexplainable happens and I'm suddenly kept in the dark and wondering what the fuck is going on
Seriously.
If this is how every goddamn move I try to make on a girl ends up, I'll give up trying to get to know more of the opposite sex because it is seriously fucking up my social life
I get disappointments while some lucky bastards get what they want
there's always some kind of fucking loop-de-loop shit happening everytime something blooms and gets somewhere

I wanna stop caring about stupid girls
with stupid pretty faces
and stupid behaviours
and stupid attitudes

I think my guitar is better than any girl out there
she always there
gets the tunes out (depending on how I strum her)
doesn't have stupid behavioral problems or attitudes
doesn't have stupid mood swings
doesn't need long waiting time for a fuckin' contact
and she's always there to calm my nerves down (and make my fingers hurt from strumming, which is good)
and also understands me whenever I'm angry and start strumming wrongly

I LOVE MY GUITAR

P.S just in case some dumb shits start posting some fuckin' shit about me saying bad things about one's gender, I say FUCK YOU and say that this doesn't apply to every goddamn girl or woman, capiche?

2009-10-16T18:20:00.002+08:00

Been playing my guitar for about 5 days now and progress has been kinda good.
Got the C and A minor chords spot on now and my fingers no longer hurt while strumming!
But the points on my fingers feel rough though and takes a bit of getting used to
Trying to nail the G, F, D Chords so that I can finally try my hand at All about you song by Mcfly
Yes, that's the first song I wanna nail before moving on to:

Glycerine by Bush
Ignorance by Paramore (this one might take bit longer)
Letters to you by Finch
Darlin' by Between The Trees

There are others but I'll try to do what I can.
The amount of support I'm getting from some of my friends is encouraging
which is good, because it raises the bar on my confidence
=D

Anyway, might be going guitaring with Sam this weekend so that he can teach me more and maybe teach me a tune or two
as long as he's free of course

And oh, not to forget Thursday's outing with Wardah
Had fun!
=D
We played around with my guitar, walked around, ate and walk some around some more before going home at around 7pm plus
She still owes me a visit to Tampines though since I already went all the way to Jurong some months ago just to meet up with her and then continuing all the way to Jurong Point
(Imagine the wait times! =P)

One last note before I sign off
Today's maths lesson was pretty good eventhough confusing as hell
the last few lessons were also good
The only one problem is that the cognitive faci for my class is kinda sarcastic
maybe a bit too sarcastic
which I DO NOT LIKE
especially there was one time she interrupted me when I was explaining something.
=_________=

Anyway, here's hoping for better lessons next week

Au Revoir!
=)

Guitarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2009-10-12T08:13:00.003+08:00

Guitarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Bought it yesterday at Peninsular Mall with Sam.
105 bucks along with the pitch pipe, bag, booklet and pick (I bought another since the pick they gave me was kinda weird)
Then we went somewhere around Marina Square and strummed a bit and me practising the fingering techniques
Then we went our separate ways (He went to Bedok while I pressed on to Tampines.)
Stopped by the Yamaha Guitar shop to buy a Guitar pick
Then I went home.

Webcammed with Afeeq at around 10 or 9pm like that.
Taught me some tips, tuning my guitar and all
it's feels hard at first trying to get used to the techniques and all but it gets normal if you do it constantly.
Currently trying to learn All about you by Mcfly since Afeeq recommended it to me being the an easy song.

Will guitar again after school.
Can't wait!

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

N oh, today's Web and New Media Comms.
Hoping for a great day!
=DDD

MATHS?

2009-10-09T08:15:00.000+08:00

Today's MATHS

Oh shit....

3rd day with W45H. Its getting a bit better

2009-10-07T08:11:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's module was pretty good. Better than the first day.
Got along pretty well with some of the guys and gals that I talked to and worked with but I still havent connected with everyone yet like with W16R dudes and dudettes.

Well, I guess it takes time.

Anyway, today's marketing. Don't know what's it going to be like but I'm hoping for a day like yesterday, fun and filled with some laughs.

=)

Will update more later as the daylight ends

First day was okay... kinda. Now for second day

2009-10-06T08:11:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was pretty okay. Web and New Media Comms was pretty okay
Presentation went pretty well from my point of view but the other team's presentations were goddamn long as in the words were long and so were their explanations.

I wish they'd simplified it into solid points....

Anyway, today's Introduction to Communications. Don't know what's it going to be like or what the faci is going to be but I'm hoping for a fun faci and a fun team to work with. My last team was pretty okay but with a few cock ups in interacting. I think it will need a few weeks to improve

I hope

I still miss W16R.....

W45H. What a class! (sarcasm)

2009-10-05T10:17:00.002+08:00

This is my face after meeting new classmates
You can probably see the forced smile and the bored eyes. My back hair seems a bit messy but looks good.
=D

Anyway, today's module is Web and New Media Comms
1st prob is about making some sort of proposal to make a carnival more attractive and shit using web media tools
I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do
Just gonna try to do the worksheet and see how things go.
Till then

Au Revoir Mon ami!

My heart-shaped box to you

2009-10-02T19:03:00.001+08:00

Heart-Shaped Box by Nirvana

She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your Heart Shaped box, for weeks
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black

Hey!
Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
hey
wait
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey!
Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice

...your advice

Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet
Cut myself on Angel Hair and baby's breath
Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back

Hey!
Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
hey!
Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey!
Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
...Your advice

*SOLO*

She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for weeks
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap
I wish I could Eat your cancer when you turn black

Hey!
Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
hey!
wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey!
Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Your advice
Your advice

Your advice

Currently writing a song now. It's an altered version of one of the songs I have in my playlist. Will show it to you once its done

And that song might be the last post I make

It's closing time

2009-10-01T18:40:00.002+08:00

Closing time by Semisonic

Closing time
Open all the doors and let you out into the world.
Closing time
turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time
one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time
you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time
time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time
this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits
I hope you have found a friend.

Closing time
every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time
time for you to go back to the places you will be from...

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time
every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

=\

Am I the only malay guy in the frickin' class?

2009-10-01T09:20:00.004+08:00

Click on the pic for a better view (email numbers hidden so as to avoid unnecessary spam)

I've been to W45H!
What the hell?
And to add to that, I'm the only MALAY guy
the rest are either chinese or Indian which doesn't make it any better for me
-___________-

Some of the good things I see in this is that the class isn't that far from the entrance or the canteen so it isn't all that bad
and at least there ARE Malays in my class eventhough all are GIRLS
it's gonna be hard to adjust for 2 or more months without any malay guy to talk to
goddamn it...

************

Tuesday's BBQ was great!
Full of fun moments, drunk moments, weird moments, even weirder moments and lots of stupidity

Group photo!

Setting up tent

Guess who's drunk? (Ans: Both)

=\

2009-10-01T00:19:00.001+08:00

A bit down now

=\

I guess that's it

Wha?

2009-09-30T18:33:00.003+08:00

Feeling woozy after not sleeping the whole day yesterday for the BBQ
will update later or tomorrow
slept from 10am+ to 6pm+
woooooooo
so tireddddd
Au Revoir!
I miss someone now...

=\

Class BBQ!

2009-09-29T08:14:00.002+08:00

Today's the frickin' day!
Gotta head down to ECP by 6pm and rendezvous with the others to get this thing going
Bringing along the 8 man tent
not quite sure if we're gonna use it though but they insisted on me bringing it
so, what choice do I have anyway?
I think today's gonna be good day

=D

Anyway, heard from a friend that school starts next week
NEXT WEEK?
SO FAST?
-_________-

Oh well, I guess it's better than staying home all day doing nothing
Everyday seems to be a bit boring without school and crazy classmates
Even if the next semester's gonna be a whole new class
which kinda sucks because it'll screw up the bonding I have with the others in my first class
which I enjoy them so much
=)

Today's kinda the last day we're gonna spend time with each other as in a class (or most of it, the other half split off to make their own bbq, which is sad really)

Today's gonna be a great day! Just like Wardah said in her early morning message to me (I thank you for that! Will be giving your cadbury pretty soon! =D)

Will update tomorrow!
Au Revoir!

Dustttttttttttttttttttttt

2009-09-25T15:58:00.003+08:00

Cleaned the fans today. Due to my sensitivity to dust, used my towel to cover my mouth and nose since I couldn't find a handkerchief anywhere. Take a look at the pictures of this mundane day full of dust.

Used a brush to clear off the dust. Reminds me of painting but this time without the kanvas and with more dust. Irritating dust

How to setup your fan after cleaning (its easy even a brain dead monkey could do it. =D)

Graph!

2009-09-23T21:07:00.000+08:00

Yup

NEW SONG! Glycerine by Bush

2009-09-20T20:50:00.005+08:00

must be your skin that i'm sinking in
must be for real 'cos now i can feel
and i didn't mind
it's not my kind
it's not my time to wonder why
everything gone white
and everything's grey
now you're here now you're away
i don't want this
remember that
i'll never forget where you're at
don't let the days go by
glycerine

i'm never alone
i'm alone all the time
are you at one
or do you lie
we live in a wheel
where everyone steals
but when we rise it's like strawberry fields

if i treated you bad
you bruise my face
couldn't love you more
you got a beautiful taste
don't let the days go by
could have been easier on you
i couldn't change though i wanted to
could have been easier by three
our old friend fear and you and me
glycerine
don't let the days go by
glycerine

i needed us more
when we wanted us less
i could not kiss just regress
it might just be
clear simple and plain
that's just fine
that's just one of my names
don't let the days go by
could've been easier on you
glycerine

Dedicated to that special someone and hoping that someone realizes something that I've been waiting for so long

=DDDDD

2009-09-20T00:24:00.001+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Everybody!

Raya coming!

2009-09-18T00:53:00.001+08:00

Nothing more to say but the title is sufficient enough i guess

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

How to kill

2009-09-15T05:20:00.000+08:00

Be polite.
Be professional.
And always have a plan to kill everyone you meet
=)

Tiring, fun and...

2009-09-13T15:45:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was both fun and tiring.

Went out with Kila to Geylang to find and buy her baju kurung. Went to Joo Chiat, walked round and round for about an hour or so and went out to the bazaar to find other alternatives.

Then Kila wanted to go back to Joo Chiat and so we did, with my legs almost dying from walking too much. We walked around for about 30 minutes or more until we went to this shop and found this baju kurung which seemed perfect for her but she was malu malu kucing till I had to ask the makcik if it had her size and the price and all (See how helpful I am? Hahaha. =P).

She tried out black and purple and decided on purple along with a couple of shoulder padding to make it more fitting. Overall she looked nice with purple and I couldn't agree more with the makcik when she said that. =)

Paid 129 bucks and finally got out to get something to eat after 2 hours of walking and discussing (I was more stress than her!). Kila wanted to eat fastfood for break fast and so we went to the nearest one which was near the big green building near the MRT station which I forgot the name and settled on KFC after seeing Mac was full. Break fast at on an exercise bench near some playground near some housing estate near the Mrt station (Yes, there was no other place so we had to make do. Hahah)

Ate, walked around some more (there's a surprisingly large number of cats in Geylang. Wooo!) and then we went home via Mrt to tamp interchange where I walked Kila to the bus stop and watched her go off and also thanking her for the whole day of fun and sweat and exercise, especially the exercise (I could run 2.4 now! Probably).

And that's all folks!

There's a couple plans for next week with breaking fast with Afeeq and the gang on Wednesday which is the 16th (can't wait for that)

and an unconfirmed dengdeng date with someone which I'm not hoping much that it would go off after some misunderstanding (-___-)

Anyway, that's all

Yes

that's all

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2009-09-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

New desktop!

YAY

=DDDD

What can I say?

2009-09-11T15:21:00.000+08:00

There's just nothing around that's interesting no more.

=(

except for some other things...

=(

2009-09-09T01:16:00.002+08:00

A big

SORRY

To those who were chatting with me and suddenly found me not replying at all
I accidentally nodded off after a few minutes of waiting for you to reply

=(

I guess I was just too tired on that day
and oh
I forgot to say,
Je t'aime to the girl with her lost broken wings

=((((

-___-

2009-09-07T23:24:00.000+08:00

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepyyyy

P.S Blogger is fucking up again

One thing we can relate to

2009-09-05T07:25:00.002+08:00

Here's a picture I wanna show you that we can somehow relate to it in some odd way:

And Thanks to Athirah for this drawing of my name! =D

Some things are just not good

2009-09-04T20:51:00.002+08:00

Being EMO ain't cool
and not healthy too

=\

What's there to talk about?

2009-09-03T01:13:00.002+08:00

Today's pretty samey as all the other days, not sure why but I think I've gotta do something real soon. The boredom is killing me.

Anyway, I actually found a way to stop blogger from being the fuck up wonky the post creation page is. If you're using firefox, just go to tools, options, then click on content and click on advanced next to javascript, untick everything and click okay.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it'll work fine!

WOOT!

=)

Other than that, I have a new friend!

Her name's Nura and there's nothing else to say about her other than that she really nice and pretty great to get along with. And oh, she's a 2nd year from RP which makes her the 3rd person I know who's from RP 2nd year students.

=D

Another thing today, It's Sam's Birthday!

WOOT!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE!

Hope you have a great birthday today, my cyclist/buddy/best friend/skater/craps partner.

=)

One last thing before I end this post:

If you wanna start a conversation, please ensure that you can SUPPORT it all the way without awkward silences in between.
Don't be quiet all the way and expect the other person to type out something first before you start typing and repeating the whole goddamn process till the person is fed up and will just leave the conversation.
I mean, geez, if you wanna chat with someone don't be silent after a few sentences.
That's just so anti social and makes a bad impression on you whenever people wanna chat with you.
No wonder I keep silent when you start to keep silent.
If you wanna play the silent game, just tell me
I'd be happy to oblige since I'm verrryyyyyyyyy good at it

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee
=)
Listen to my songs!
especially the 2nd one
WOOT!
and the 4th one!

SMILE

2009-09-02T00:43:00.001+08:00

Sometimes when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you, and that means someone can love you again! And that'll make you smile.

=)

I didn't notice that...

2009-09-01T16:01:00.002+08:00

Wait
You mean its already started?

Helloooooooo September!

Yup, righto

2009-08-31T23:11:00.003+08:00

What can I do about it?

just rant, i guess:

It feels like some people born from the point of 1992 onwards are a bit fucked up inside than the ones born before that year

with their goddamn mindsets, trends and stupid problems

why can't you all be simple and not make things complicated as it is

we got enough problems as it is now with the world destroying itself now

Anyway.....

cut my hair today

I look a bit odd

don't you think so?

Why do I even bother?

You still do the same things anyway

I'd like to think my life would be much much better without you

but that would be too harsh to say because my heart can't do something like that

You're so goddamn full of it that I just wanna kick it into your face

The way you act towards people is kinda sick

makes people think and feel otherwise when you call them such names

since those names have certain push points that will press some people's buttons when you call them that

you're making some people think and feel the wrong way

I hate you for that, you know

I don't like people who do that

makes them look like some kind of whore-ish?

The lost and the newfounded

2009-08-29T23:54:00.002+08:00

From Le Conteur (The Storyteller)

I'm not sure what to put here but...

A smile is all you need to know

Another boring day

2009-08-28T00:52:00.003+08:00

Boring day

Waited for a text message which never came

Waited for a short chat conversation which never came

Waited for the girl with her lost broken wings which, sadly, never came

I miss you, you twit

It's time for some down time

2009-08-27T03:52:00.002+08:00

Holidays now

It's either stay home and rot while puasa-ing

Get a job, work and get paid while puasa-ing

Chose the 2nd one obviously

Went out with Sam today

Job huntin'

Went around city hall, bugis and then tampines

Tried Giordano, Uniqlo but no dice in getting application forms

Gonna try IKEA and bossini some time soon

I miss that person with the lost broken wings =(

Ernm.. Hello?

2009-08-24T15:28:00.002+08:00

Maths went pretty haywire

eventhough there was some preparation before that

Still couldn't do some or even most of the questions

My brain kinda flipped for one or two times.

Destroyed my sense of fear with a little Quake 3 after submitting my answers for the UT

it helped

but not much

Tomorrow's programming

Hope it isn't gonna be like UT2

I'm so fucked if that happened

Saw her today

smelled that familiar scent

tingles my mind whenever I smell it

kinda wish I could just f-...

Never mind.

Somehow, part of me wanted to get back

try to mend it somehow eventhough it seemed gloomy

and the risks of it failing all over again was high

but my head's telling me to give it a go

because she made some big impact on my life

made me change some of my otherwise unorthodox thinking

and a few jitters I had in my sub-conscious

and for that, she deserves something in return

I just don't know what to do now

What should I do?

Songs!

2009-08-23T23:16:00.007+08:00

2 new songs

Screw it by Dealey Plaza (ska-ish but worth the listen)

And

The World Has Never Seen By Zachary Louis (My all time favourite

GO LISTEN

You keep asking me what's with me

but you never ask yourself that question

What's with YOU

I take my feelings very seriously

because of that, I tend to take it very hard when things happen

you changed so differently from the way you met me at first

that you're now less than that person I saw and met on that fated day

and thats why I'm changing my life now

before this, you were almost like a lifeline to me

but now

now, I'm cutting that lifeline

and making my own

I may not be like some other guys

who're funny, active, loud, sociable and whatnots

but I have my own special bag of tricks

you just gotta keep on trying to see it

2009-08-23T21:54:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna forget about everything now

EVERYTHING

Yes, I mean

EVERYTHING

Everything about this,

about that,

about why,

about who,

about when,

EVERYTHING

I'm gonna forget my awful past and the causes of it and those happenings

It's just too painful and demoralizing to see those past things

I'm gonna forget and pretend it never happened to me at all

like it's some corrupted memory that's gotta be deleted

Say goodbye to Mr A

and say Hello to

Afif

2nd day of puasaaaaaaaa

2009-08-23T18:55:00.004+08:00

So far, so good

Fasting's been great for past day

except for few accidental vulgarities

Before I start on the next few things i wanna say, I wanna show you this:

From

BLOGGER FAIL

Seriously Blogger, wtf?

Anyway, tomorrow's Maths UT3

DIEEEEEEEEEEEE

I haven't studied much yet

Erghhh

I wonder why RP had to do this system.

Why couldn't they just start on the projects instead of this basic learning bullcrap?

Well, what to anyway...

As for other things,

I'm pretty much bummed after so many things that I've realized and seen happen

knowing that if you meet someone you like, you'll probably get replaced by someone else sooner or later

unless you do something make it stick to your way that is.

How people can change so fast, it feels like you're meeting a whole new person,

which is bad of course,

and that person, knowing that you've been somewhat left out so much, tries to make it better,

it suddenly feels so half hearted and so forced-like

and it ends up getting nowhere than better at all

I'm gonna change my way of looking and observing people now.

Previous methods seem particularly useless now.

Gotta use new tactics....

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Puasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2009-08-21T19:20:00.004+08:00

R-R-R-R-R-R-RAMADHAN!

Which could mean one thing!

P-P-P-P-P-PUASA

Which also means fasting

Wake up in the morning before 5+am to eat and after that is a long fast till 6.30pm+ for break fast.

I hope I can do full for this month

2009-08-20T20:22:00.002+08:00

WHY?

A moment to think

2009-08-20T01:19:00.000+08:00

Found this among my tons of email:

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING

THROUGH THE DESERT .

DURING SOME POINT OF THE

JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN

ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND

SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE

IN THE FACE

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND ,
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE .

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH .

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE'

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED
'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE M UST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT'

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON,
AN HOUR TO
APPRECIATE THEM,
A DAY
TO LOVE THEM,
BUT THEN ,

AN ENTIRE LIFE
TO FORGET THEM..

SEND THIS TO
THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER
FORGET.

I JUST DID.

DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS
YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE
WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE!

AND IF I HAPPEN TO GET IT BACK,
THEN I KNOW MY PLACE IN YOUR LIFE

'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'

So far. so good. Now comes the tricky part...

2009-08-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

Well, enterprise UT3 went quite well than I expected. I could do most of the questions except for the calculation thingy but so far, its good...

Now, for the hard part..

SCIENCE

A101 Science.

The most SOB module I have to do despite my course having nothing to do with it.

I just hope I can do it for tomorrow. I just might make it through this in one piece...

Its pretty obvious when you see it

the signs of things that you tried so hard to get

but end up getting it complex it seems so hard to try and forget

an opportunity turns to regret

a regret that can't be forgotten but learnt from

UT3 = 'Uber Terror 3'

2009-08-19T01:03:00.003+08:00

UT3 today
Erghhh
Studied most of it just by reading and going through the 6p's
I hope I'll do well today

Anyway...

there's a few things that still bug me for this one recently seemingly solved situation
I'm not seeing many changes though
In fact, I'm seeing something more than that
And you can bet it's not looking that good
I just don't know how to handle it
even talking in my experimental new way isn't working out
apparently, the situation just got a teensy bit complex

Oh, fuck it..

All I have to do

2009-08-18T14:07:00.000+08:00

You wanna play games?
Find the other boys
Playing is more fun when you don't have to pick up your toys.
Now that's enough,
Enough of what I've heard from you
Now I'm done with all I have to do

Going Away

2009-08-17T19:31:00.000+08:00

All my broken dreams are scattered on the fields of love and war

and i guess it seems i've come back here a thousand times before

but it never changes,

each time more depressing than the last

and so it goes when you go digging through a jaded, empty past...

Time for a sing-a-ling-a-ling

2009-08-16T22:10:00.000+08:00

As you might've heard, I've been putting some unknown songs on my playlist.

2 of which are from Zachary Louis (Repression and Greatest of Them All) and 1 from Fire118 (In Purity of Heart).

You won't find these songs anywhere other than on Newgrounds, the audio portal to be exact.

Here's Zachary Louis's profile: http://zholoch.newgrounds.com/audio/

And Fire118's: http://fire118.newgrounds.com/audio/

Zach's (or Zholoc) type of music is more to indie and general rock with some meanings mixed in the lyrics while Fire118's more about metal but sometimes she does great indie and rock songs even though there aren't any lyrics on it and can spark some emotions while you're listening.

Give them a listen and you'll see that some great talent is found in the smallest of places, just waiting to be found.

I'm just hoping that they do get noticed because their songs ROCK.

You don't know

2009-08-16T15:46:00.000+08:00

I don't care what you think about what I do

and most of all,

I don't need your opinion

because you don't know what it's like to be like Me.

Carribean Cruise anyone?

Night Ranger

2009-08-16T03:50:00.000+08:00

Another all nighter

thanks to some

I need a distraction to pull me away from these things

Will you... No, not you.. Yes, you.. No, the other one.. Yes, that one... No, definitely not you.. Yeahhh! Righto! Will you be my distraction?

Unexpected Happiness

2009-08-14T19:05:00.004+08:00

Today was quite a slow day at first. Probably due to today's module being Maths and that the problem statement was a bitch as usual but righhhhht after the 2nd meeting, things started picking up from there.

Our maths faci apparently blanja-ed the whole class Canadian pizza along with pepsi to wash it all down.

WOOOT!

Kinda gorged on 1 pizza of each of 4 different flavours that I think were there of the 5 or 6 pizza boxes there (I dunno, I think I forgot).

Damn, that was some good pizza.

After that, our faci showed us a video of a speech made by Steve Jobs who's the CEO of Apple, if I'm not wrong, and it told of how we should spend every day of our lives and cherishing it as we might not know when we might get taken away (Die).

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Anyway, after all the presentations and 6p were done, me, Afeeq, Lincoln and Yongsheng played a bit of DOTA. Teamed up with Yongsheng. Expected a lost but out of unimaginable odds, YS and I were able to win the frickin match with me getting around 7 kills, all done with teamwork and timing.

WOOT!

That REALLY made my day.

Gave me some sort of morale boost in some way I suppose. I'm quite happy today after all the shit thats been happening the past few days. Never thought playing a game that I was so shitty in and eventually coming out almost on the top made me feel so good

Oh so good.

Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Anyway, next week is UT3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!

n OH!

Josh, Mahdi's friend, kissed Ted!

on cheeks..

and the LIPS!

and licked the nose!

Afeeq was kissed too!

in the same way!

but with no lick...

He was body piled on by him, Mahdi and Ted after that.

Afeeq just got his FIRST KISS!

BWAHAHAAHAHA

Fired up

2009-08-14T08:12:00.005+08:00

Yesterday wasn't a good day for me for the end part of the day
Pretty much everything pissed me off in a way
A big SORRY to those who might've got it
I'm sorry but you actually pissed me off because of your own stupidity/actions/lame msn names/stupid name callings/annoying convo openers, etc etc
So yeah, it's somewhat your fault but not all your fault

Why I suddenly got ticked off yesterday had a reason.
When a person get shouted/scolded at for the littlest of things,
its pretty okay for 1 day,
but when it goes on for 3 days in a row...

It pretty much gets to you

Both mentally and emotionally

Some of you might know the reason but for the rest
I won't go into the details...

Anyway, I want:

A Tavor rifle

A few hundred rounds of 5.56mm bullets
10 of these M68 grenades

and some essentials like kevlar vest, helmet, NOD and some other things

Drop me into an area with something to shoot at and something to shoot back
and I'll clean it up good

REAL good

The Letter

2009-08-13T22:47:00.000+08:00

I kneel alone upon a hill outside the city
My fingers grip a rounded stone that bears a name
My tears are falling on a letter that I wrote you
The wilted flowers sing the silence of my pain

It's like a picture perfect scene of love
and grief and hate and loss
And it's okay that i still love you
when i kiss her lips
Cause you are dead and she's alive
and it was time that I move on

She doesn't look like you, but she feels like an angel
She holds a broken man, her head upon my chest
I never told her of the letter that I wrote you
It's the only way I had of laying you to rest

It's like a picture perfect scene of love
and grief and hate and loss
And it's okay that i still love you
when i kiss her lips
Cause you are dead and she's alive
and it was time that I move on

The letter fades upon a hill outside the city
Leaned on the headstone of someone I've never met
I know it's wrong that I pretend you're underneath it
But that's the only way I ever will forget

Greatest Of Us All

2009-08-12T21:06:00.001+08:00

now that winter's come to pass

i look back on all the things i felt for you

and see the death of who i was and what i wanted

in the spaces that i left for you to fill

so this is my goodbye

and it's time for me to try

to be myself without a single reason to go on

and this is my escape

and it's time for me to wait

and pray that i will walk amongst the greatest of us all

i'm not bitter anymore

even though i won't going home again

i find joy in little pieces of my life

i've been doing better now that i don't suffer everyday

so this is my goodbye

and it's time for me to try

to be myself without a single reason to go on

and this is my escape

and it's time for me to wait

and pray that i will walk amongst the greatest of us all

so all the best to you and yours

i've got me and mine and we are fine as you well know

it might be a while till i will shine like i was meant

but at least i won't be dragging all this weight i left behind

so this is for the past

and the things that couldn't last

i won't be mourning you because

i finally feel myself

and this is my release

and it's time for me to breathe

and be what i was always meant to be throughout it all

so this is my goodbye

and it's time for me to try

to be myself without a single reason to go on

and this is my escape

and it's time for me to wait

i know that i will walk amongst the greatest of us all

GOT THE SONG. LISTEN

2009-08-11T00:46:00.003+08:00

Today, or yesterday (Monday), was a pretty grim day for me.
Things just went from bad to worse. Ended up getting me all pissed off with my parents consistent blabbering and extremely demoralizing naggings that I just ran out of the house with my laptop and psp along with my laptop charger and 40 bucks.

Before I went out, I was at the gate with my shoes on, ready to go off, my mum told me to come back in and eat a little before going out. Kinda refused and she pretty much blazed up and said if i go off I would be 'derhaka' to her and all that. At that time, my little sis was shouting and screaming something and she went off to deal with her, leaving me by the doorstep, deciding to go off or just go in.

I went off.

In my heart, I felt pretty bad. I knew I shouldn't have done that but I just had to.

I needed time to think

to be by myself

to be in peace

So, I hooked up with Anesa, an old tuition friend, and went to Changi Airport Terminal 3 because she and some of her classmates were doing some of their projects there and I just needed time to kill. So, we reached there, rendezvous with her friends at the kopitiam (foodcourt) at the lower basements and just did our own work. Accessed the internet there, chatted with Hayati a bit before she suddenly went offline, went through some of the module 6p's, browsed facebook and some other stuff.

Stayed there till like 8.30pm and bid her and her friends goodbye and went off.

Took the mrt back to tampines and walked from the interchange to the swimming complex.

From there, I had 2 choices.

1) Go to the mosque

or

2) Go to some sitting area and read the book I just bought or play psp or something

I picked 1.

Went to the mosque, did my isyak prayers and just sat there. While I was sitting there thinking, there was an imam there doing some sort of talk about the some of the rules in Islam and how Islam is faring in the modern world and some stuff. Got to know some pretty interesting stuff there like if you talked bad about Islam when you yourself are a muslim, the punishment for that is DEATH. Yes, I'm not kidding, it is death. Because if it is considered a great crime in Islam if you did that and if you were a muslim.

Well, enough about that.

About the book I bought, here it is:

It's an amazing book I tell ya.

AMAZING

Pretty much sorted out some things I didn't like in my life and how to improve it.Halfway through the book and I'm already implementing some of the stuff I learnt in it.

I wanna change

Change for the better

Be what I want to myself to be

And also,

Be happy with my life

p.s I won't go into the details on how I got home at 12.30am but you can bet I got some angry lecturing from my mum.

Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK

2009-08-10T00:04:00.001+08:00

Read this:

Drop the F-Bomb to Relieve Pain

By Rosa Golijan, 2:00 PM on Mon Jul 13 2009, 16,044 views

We told you about unusual ways to cure aches and pains, but what if it's as simple as letting out a string of expletives? Maybe it'll even cure the #*@#^ pain in the &$@^$ caused by the new comment bugs.

Photo by Emilio Labrador

Scientific American's Frederik Joelving writes about a new study that shows "that swearing may serve an important function in relieving pain." Basically, a group of psychiatrists wondered why it is that we seem to react to pain by swearing and conducted an experiment in which they studied the pain tolerances of a group of students who were swearing and a control group who wasn't. The results, as you may have guessed, were positive for the folks with the dirty mouths.

But hang on. Before you take a deep breath and start screaming profanities, keep this in mind:

In extreme cases, the hotline to the brain's emotional system can make swearing harmful, as when road rage escalates into physical violence. But when the hammer slips, some well-chosen swearwords might help dull the pain.

So, beware of overusing this "method" and resort to other pain management solutions when in polite company. (And keep some bandages on hand just in case it fails.)

Do you have methods of dealing with pain that turn heads and prompt parents to cover their children's ears? How about a trick that'll help me deal with the nasty paper cut I inflicted on myself? Let's hear your ideas in the comments. And while you're swearing like a sailor, you can also skip straight to the operator with your dirty mouth.

Well, you heard it here folks. Say FUCK or whatever swear word you got to relieve pain. =D

Oh yeah!

2009-08-09T19:52:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

Have a great National Day everyone

A sortie

2009-08-09T13:29:00.003+08:00

Friday was an okay day. Saturday was bored to the death. Wanted to go cycling but things just didn't work the way they should, especially my bike.

(One of the new LOL smileys I found on Satuday)

Some things came up over the course of those 2 days and you can bet that all of them aren't good things.

Just another conflict/problem/whatever it is for me to solve or mess it up altogether

My head's been on overdrive lately.
Thinking as usual.
So far, it's been quite opening for me since the last few days I've been thinking quite sensible stuff, some of which are coming along nicely provided there aren't any complications.
Had a couple of rough times so that might be the reason I'm thinking so much.

Goddamn, I need a vacation

It's been a looooooong time since I've done this but
PIC OF THE DAY

No, this isn't photoshop-ed or anything. It's REAL.
Here's a description:
"This is a shot of an FA-18 performing a high-speed pass that resulted in a vapor cone forming around the back half of the plane. When viewed head-on, it made the plane appear to be coming out of a porthole. The photo was taken during the 2009 Gold Cup Races on the Detroit River."

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2009-08-07T21:06:00.000+08:00

Today was okay.
......
...
.
.
.
.
.
Yeahhhhhhhhhhh
Uhuh
Righhhhhhhhhhhht
Alright
Okaaaaaaaaay
Done!

Au revoir!

Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

A life saver

2009-08-06T08:18:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was a pretty moody day

Some things went right while some things went a little off
my mind keeps on realizing things day by day
and keeps on chugging along with so many thoughts
I feel i'm over thinking or something

=s

The only thing that saved me on that day
was:

CADBURY!

Ate it just after class
Chocolate mousse
Shared it with Afeeq, Nanthini and Mahdi
Felt pretty happy after that
And even happier when Mahdi demonstrated his 'magic trick'
involving a cigarette and cunning-ness
Pretty cool if you see how's it done (or how it looks if you see from behind)

Today's Maths
Hoping its a good day today

Au revoir!

2 words

2009-08-05T13:59:00.003+08:00

SHUT UP

and listen to the song

"You don't know"

well first of all i'd like to say FUCK off
if you don't get it why don't you
go shove your head back up your ass
and don't waste my time
i don't need your opinion
cuz you don't know what it's like to be like me
so keep your mouth shut

this may come as kind of a surprise
i don't like you and i don't care
what you think about what i do
and most of all, i don't need your opinion
cuz you don't know what it's like to be like me
so keep your mouth shut
well finally that's the way it is
i like somethin' you don't and your tellin' me it's shit.
it's a waste of time
we can't change our opinions

i don't know what it's like to be you
i don't know what,
so i'll keep my mouth shut

History repeats

2009-08-05T10:04:00.000+08:00

I got this whole thing figured out
I guess I better write it down, now
'Cause presently my memory's not terribly sound
Everything is twice around, now

It shouldn't be this hard
I guess I'm not as smart
As I'd like to think I am
And even though you won't
Admit it now I know, you know, I know, you know

I guess it isn't any news
This keeps coming out in two's
If history repeats itself then what can I do?
Nothing I can say is news to you

One word

2009-08-04T22:47:00.000+08:00

YAY

=D

N oh, Happy Birthday Wardahhhh!
By the time you see this, it's already your Birthday!

WOOHOO!

Love my sot dot cousin
=D

About a girl

2009-08-04T18:40:00.007+08:00

One song about a girl
I can't breathe when I'm around her
I'll wait here everyday
In case she'll scratch the surface
She'll never notice

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl
Whoa!

Last night, I knew what to say
But you weren't there to hear it
These lines, so well rehearsed
Tongue tied and over-loaded
You'll never notice

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl
I'm not in love
This is not your song
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for?
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone wants
To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for?
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone...

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

I'm not in love
(To be loved, to be loved, what more could you ask for?)
This is not your song
(To be loved, to be loved, everyone wants)
I'm not gonna waste these words
(To be loved, to be loved)
About a girl.

Blogspot's A-OKAY again! For now...

2009-08-04T00:15:00.000+08:00

Blogspot's A-okay again!

WOOHOO

Well, mostly...
Some parts a bit gitchy and I can't get rid of this stupid underline

Oh well...

Anyway, picture time!:

I think I might've posted this but what the hell anyway. This is kinda the mindset I'm trying to focus on right now along with the others I'm trying

Couldn't agree more.
>=(

Tomorrow's science
Which I'm kinda not looking forward too
I just hope the topic's a bit easier for tomorrow
considering my team
would appreciate if they did some work or discuss something
I'm trying best to start something during discussions
:\

I'm not enjoying the situation now
but I'll make the best of it

Heh. Pourquoi?

2009-08-03T20:36:00.000+08:00

Stupid blogger still fucked up again with its new post page.

Haishhhh

Weekends were a bore. Stayed home for entire 2 days except for ngaji on sunday.
Had to walk all the way through the park to the masjid and considering how hot the weather was, it wasn't that enjoyable.

I want a bike NOW! (Mum's bike got stolen so I'm stuck with nothing and my other bike has my adek using it)

Walking's boringggggggggg

Anyway, had this little talk with Athirah yesterday night.
Won't go into the details but it made quite an impression on me I think.
Still gotta find ways to sort out the kinks in my life.

Anyway, might be finding a job soon. Waiting on Diyana so we can find one together and be work buddies.

=D

Today's enterprise was quite okay except for the fact that me and Afeeq had to the presentation while the rest were MIA.
But in the end, the presentation went quite well.

Here's to hoping science tomorrow doesn't become a pain in the ass along with the other pain in the asses.

Pour vous!

Songs that keep me together

2009-07-31T08:20:00.001+08:00

Apparently, listening to the songs I just added to my playlist will maybe tell you how I feel.

Au Revoir

You're just another scar in my mind. Like all the others, I regret meeting you, seeing you, loving you

2009-07-30T23:05:00.008+08:00

D'LA MERDE!

Everything was just another 'fuck you' from life.
That's all there is.

And that's ALL there EVER was.

A farce...

A hopeless endeavor...

Fake...

Je ne pense pas que ce soit de l'amour!

Je suis vraiment dans la merde!!!

Va te faire foutre!!

Un amour qui hante mon coeur à jamais...
Un amour pour l'éternité et l'espoir de trouver la paix un jour...
Des mots qu'un amoureux parti ne verra pas...
tu veux qu'on se sépare, mon chéri?

Translation:
A love that forever haunts my heart...
love for eternity and a hope to find peace some day...
words not seen by a lover gone...
Are we over, my love?

Au Revoir, Mon Cherie

"The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love."
Pearl Bailey

Snapped

2009-07-30T19:24:00.000+08:00

I think something in me just snapped.
Something important.
Something which I've been doing for all my life.
Something that I do so much but get very little for.

Caring.

I don't even know why I care about people.
I guess it's just in me to care about people.
Even if they're acting stubborn or just plain dumb.
But I just do it anyway.
I have to care.
But most of the time, whenever I show my 'care' to some people,
they give no appreciation, no thanks, no nothing
just some lame retort like 'what do you care?' or 'nobody cares anyway'
Every time that happens, a little part of me breaks a bit.

It's been going on for about 8 years now (Yes, I counted. I started to care about people when I was in primary 3 when I started losing both my grandfathers. Oh, how long has it been and how I miss them. I barely got to know them better.)

Thus, that's why it breaks as of today.
Breaks into a tiny, million, gazillion small pieces.
I'll still care though
but once I spot the slightest bit of anything negative
I'll just stop

I'm just too tired.

Mentally

Emotionally

I mean, why should I care if no one appreciates it or doesn't even fucking acknowledge it?

Why?

WHY?

Is the stupid inhabitants of this stupid world getting seriously stupid till they don't even recognize a simple show of care?

Blarghhhhhhh

2009-07-29T15:16:00.002+08:00

:(
Stomach pain's killin' me
Head's spinnin'

I feel shitty

Blaarghhhhhhhhh!

Where's my pills?

2009-07-29T10:01:00.002+08:00

I got a story it's almost finished.
All i need is someone to tell it to,
maybe, that's you.
Our time is borrowed and spent too freely
every minute i have needs to be made up,

but how?

2009-07-28T00:11:00.002+08:00

That's true yo!

But that ain't what I'm having now.
I'm having what seems like the same thing I've had when I was in sec 4

Stomach flu

BLARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I wanna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

n oh, btw...

WOOT!

Goddamn it

2009-07-26T23:58:00.001+08:00

Blogger's being a bitch again with the post creation page.
Can't edit how the text looks and arrange the lines.
But I'll post this post anyway.

There's a lot of things to think about whenever I think about myself and my life.
Hundreds of unanswered questions fill the somewhat cluttered subconscious of mine.
On some occasions, these questions do get answered in some way but only partly.
The rest of it just keeps me wondering.

Recently, I've been wondering whether or not I'm satisfied with myself about everything in my life.
The obvious answer is...

Well

An obvious No.

Pretty much everything in my life is screwed up in one way.
I can't pretty do things up to satisfaction these days.
Pretty fucked up about it whenever I try and try to do well.
On some occasions, yes, it works.
But most of the time, it doesn't.
The bad, unfortunately, outnumbers the good.
And I'm desperately trying to change that.

Even if it is looking bleak for me.
But, fuck it, I'm gonna try to make the best of what I've done so far.
And that's it.
That's all it

Another note.

There's some freaky resemblances whenever I think back of some of the past events that happened.
Especially this part about how I met some people who became, in some way, important in my life.

First of all, how I met Athirah is almost the same as how I met....

this is pretty hard on me to type it out, Norain.

How I met them both: Eye-contact, playful gesture

How I eventually got to know them: Both of them contacted me first. One through msn and the other through sms

I'm not gonna go through the details on how I got together with Norain but I will tell you that somehow, both of them had an impact on my life.
Pretty crappy things happened but some good things happened as well.

But the situation is a bit when it comes to Athirah.

She's..... different in some ways that I can't express.
She wows me with her amazing use of words that I can't even match.
She has a great personality from what I've experienced so far, vivacious if I say so myself (vivacious..... Shit, that reminds me of...)
And oh yes, she is pretty.

But I'm not talking about that.

No No No

What I'm talking about is why am I so drastically affected (both negative and positive)when I have tingling sensation for both of them?

And Athirah's not even my girlfriend.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Did something click on whenever I'm in love?

Why does shit always happen whenever that happens?

Can't I have at least a prolonged peace and happiness whenever I have that feeling?

Is someone preventing me from having such feelings?

So.

Many.

Unanswered.

Questions.

blog layout!

2009-07-26T00:58:00.003+08:00

As you might have noticed, I've changed my blog layout.

A bit cramped but it's cosy nonetheless
Editing CSS codes reminds me of doing PROGRAMMING
*shudders*

New clothes!

2009-07-25T22:34:00.002+08:00

Bought some new clothes today
Along with some new shoes
for this monday
Don't know if I look great or not
but
who the hell cares anyway?
=D

Just need to buy a belt and everything will match up fine for Monday's formal wear
I'll be wearing:
A red shirt
black pants
a pair of shiny shoes
and some confidence

Somebody hold me!

Nothing

2009-07-24T10:53:00.003+08:00

This song speaks hugely on the situation I'm in:

"Nothin'"

everytime i try so hard i get
nothin' (nothin')
they say try and you won't fail, i
get nothin' (nothin')
i did all that i could i got nothin'
(nothin')
i tried so hard, for nothin' (nothin')
i never wanted it that way, guess
there was nothin' i could say
i don't know what i want. but i know
i don't want this
i give up, i give in, i know i'm
never gonna win
i know it's really not your fault
i'm gonna blame you anyway
you say you're sorry, but i know it
won't do no good
i give up, i give in, i know i'm
never gonna win.

i don't fucking care, i don't
fucking care
i don't fucking care anymore
it's gonna be all right
cause i don't fucking care anymore.

Blogging with pictures found from Google

2009-07-23T14:27:00.006+08:00

Doing my usual rounds on Google image search when I found a few pics that's meaningful.
Lemme guide you through:

Apparently, YES, life is designed to kick your ass and apparently, it's doing a great job..
on MY ASS.

This kinda changed that mindset but not fully but I have to agree with all of the things said in this picture.
"Nobody said life would be easy"
and
"Believe that everything happens for a reason"
Which I think Athirah has said the above for a few times now

This one's pretty spot on. The love you make is equal to the love you take back which serves my demise last year.

Going off the subject, this one's almost spot on but if it replaced the green section with 'Doing meaningless quizzes' then it'll be PERFECT.

This is in relation to Afeeq's favourite song to play on his guitar, Power Rangers.
The original,
Not the dumbass lame ones after it.
Wondering what would REALLY happen if you played that song while you ehem...

That's it for today
Today's lesson was pretty fine so far.
As I'm typing this, the last team's finishing up their presentation
presentation went pretty well
So, I'm hoping for at least a 'B' today

Don't know who I'm going home with today
would like to go home with some of the usual people
especially Athirah

===================================
Talking about Athirah,

Let me get this straight to some people out there,
who're apparently assuming things whenever I'm with her,
with one sentence

She's not my girlfriend

Okay?
Alright?
D'accord?

There's still some things that I still don't know about her
which I'm trying to figure out
she has things that she doesn't want to reveal,
like everyone else including me
sometimes, she gives hints
which makes me wonder what it is
which would also contributes to the amount of thinking I do everyday
but I'm not gonna ask anything about it
I'll let life and time take its course

Some things are not meant to be revealed but they will be revealed in time

So, I'm just gonna wait

Wait

and wait

which I've been doing so for all my whole life

For life

For satisfaction

For the future

For love

-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-==--=-=-=-=--

AU REVOIR!

Feels like home

2009-07-23T12:14:00.004+08:00

"It's too late to talk to you

And it's too soon to say good-bye
Listen where ever you may be
You still live inside my mind

Something tells me that you are free again
In a place that feels like home

It's never easy to understand
Why memories hold our hand
But people let go..."

This lines are from a song that has a very special place in my heart which
Wraps around
And clutches my heart
And doesn't let go

2009-07-22T20:11:00.002+08:00

"But how can I get something that I want but need to do something which is not possible?"

That's one question I asked to a certain somebody during one opportune moment.

Sometimes, the people can make some of the most illogical standards in their lives and don't know what to say when questions like the above are asked.

I mean, I know that the rules you implemented within yourself are of what you think is right for you but is it really right for the people who want and I really mean genuinely want to know you better?

I just go around the fact that I've come right smack head first into a titanium steel road block that separates me from the person who I wanna know so much about when it comes to those rules.

Life is really that cold

Blogger being a bitch. AGAIN

2009-07-21T23:26:00.002+08:00

Like the title says, blogger's being a bitch now. Apparently, the post creation page is so messed up now, i can't see the toolbar at all. Only the font changer and preview bar which I'm typing on now.

Will update tomorrow

Au Revoir!

Pour Vous!

Blink 182 - First Date

2009-07-20T00:12:00.001+08:00

In the car I just can't wait
to pick you up on our very first date
is it cool if I hold your hand?
is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?
do you like my stupid hair?
would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?
I'm just scared of what you think
you make me nervous so I really can't eat

Let's go
don't wait
this nights almost over
honest, let's make
this night last forever
forever and ever
let's make this last forever
forever and ever
let's make this last forever

When you smile, I melt inside
I'm not worthy for a minute of your time
I really wish it was only me and you
I'm jealous of everybody in the room
please don't look at me with those eyes
please don't hint that you're capable of lies
I dread the thought of our very first kiss
a target that I'm probably gonna miss

Let's go
don't wait
this nights almost over
honest, let's make
this night last forever
forever and ever
let's make this last forever
forever and ever
let's make this last forever

Let's go
don't wait
this nights almost over
honest, let's make
this night last forever
forever and ever
let's make this last forever
forever and ever
let's make this last forever
forever and ever
let's make this last forever
forever and ever
let's make this last forever

I love this song. =)

God Fuckin' Damn it!

2009-07-19T19:10:00.005+08:00

Comparisons

Hate em

Fuckin' hate em

I HATE COMPARISONS

Every now and then my parents, especially my dad, constantly compares things with us.

What things you ask?

Well, most of them are comparing now and the past. I mean who gives a shit on how was it like then and how's it like now?

IT'S THE FUCKING 21ST CENTURY, ABAH!
DON'T YOU GET IT?

Things nowadays are different. There's no use comparing now and then. There is an enormous difference between now and then. We have technology, improved laws, better education and the works of the now modern world. That's what makes us so different from people in the past. We concentrate too much on studying to even know some of the basic skills of working around the household but I'm trying the fucking best I can to learn 'em. I know you learnt all that stuff independently back when you were like my age but that was in a different situation. You can't expect me to do things without having to LEARN HOW TO DO IT FIRST.

Really, like WHAT THE FUCK?

Why won't people stop comparing things? I mean if it's for school and stuff it's okay but when it comes to personal matters...

Boy, is it sure a pain in the ASS

Sometimes, I just wanna blow up in front of my parents.

It's kinda hard to understand them.

Even when I do blow up,

They keep doing the same fucking thing.

I wanna go to army now.

I wanna experience a war.

I wanna get away far away from this place.

I wanna see the world.

Lastly,

I wanna experience life and death.

That's all I want now,

other than love,

which is getting a pain in the ass too.

:(
=(

Changi!

2009-07-18T21:40:00.004+08:00

CHANGI!

I'm gonna stay positive from right the fuck now!

2009-07-16T20:06:00.006+08:00

I hate being moody, distressed and stupidly confused...

That's why I'm gonna get rid of those posts below by posting new ones!

TODAY'S FEATURE

PICTURES FROM THE INTERNETZ

(Clickity click on the pics to see full size, morons!)
(Can be used for presentations to spice things up a bit!)

I agree up to the part of before 'so'

I want to set people on fire now

So fuckin' true! For me!

Not to mention getting us and people all around fatty

So true!

Bwahahaha!

Yup, that's true

So, disturbingly wrong

This is partly true in team discussions

Superman!

Wha?

2009-07-16T19:33:00.003+08:00

Update soon!
I can feel it in my bones!
Wait...
I think I can feel it in my head too!

Headaches give you awesome feelings!

Confusion?

2009-07-15T22:07:00.003+08:00

As they say, things happen for a reason
from the smallest things in life to the biggest
some are filled with happiness,
some with sadness and misery
and some with confusion
confusion on whether or not the things you're experiencing are the real deal
whether things you're putting hope on can blossom like a flower in spring time
full of vibrant colours and warm feelings
or come crashing down like a storm during a rainy night
full of shades of grey with cold and a devoid of feelings

Everyday I keep thinking about this
thinking on why most of the time I just can't seem to get things the way I want it to be
or the fact that most things don't really happen like they should
sometimes to the point that I fully exhaust my entire mind
because I just can't find out the reasons behind it all
and end up being moody or sad at times
Even during times when I'm laughing or having fun or being happy
it's just a cover up for that confused head of mine
my true emotions
hidden from the eyes of my friends, family, relatives and all those who know me

The only time
the one and only time I show my true emotions,
my raw feelings
is when I'm in love,
only a precious few
have seen it
heard it
and felt it
but it always doesn't seem to last
as it always breaks off at some point
due to external reasons I can't quite tell
or don't quite understand

I just hope
that the future ahead of me
doesn't contain confusion
unanswered questions
or plastic feelings
but true emotions and life full of peace and love
and especially love

Programming was fun! But.....

2009-07-15T19:18:00.002+08:00

Today's programming module was hectic as usual but quite fun. 2 classmates apparently cabot-ed, namely Oza and Mira. Apparently, they couldn't stand programming because they can't understand it. Either that or they're just plain lazy. Well, like the saying goes, "Gasak diorang lahhh"

A certain person didn't come today (or so, I believed) and that's why I'm not smiling on this picture. Kinda felt a big difference without her around.

Where did you go?
Why didn't you come?
I missed your smile
but most importantly,
I missed you..

How I see it

2009-07-15T10:08:00.001+08:00

Pleasant Encounter

2009-07-14T23:30:00.002+08:00

Found this cat lying on its side on the seats near the lift lobby opposite my block when I was going home from Kila's birthday party at Sengkang

It wasn't scared when I approached it..

The cat, cautious at first, looked at me with its pearly eyes and seeing that I was just rubbing its side, slowly relaxed and let me rub its fur.

It didn't like being rubbed on its head so I avoided it and continued on for about a few minutes and took the 2 pictures you see now

'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww' - Mr A

I want a cat!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Misses,
Cherishes,
Adores,
Loves,
The other A in my life

A story of a little boy

2009-07-13T22:32:00.005+08:00

At some point of time on the 4th of june,
a baby was born,
with a mind full of curiosity and some form of great expectation of the world that lay before him,
months after he was born,
he learnt how to walk,
how to talk,
how his mama meant so much to him,
how he shouldn't put things inside his mouth,
and differences between good and bad.

Years past,
nursery and kindergarten times were over,
from a baby to a little boy,
he was finally ready for primary school,
which was one big stepping stone for him,
so many questions popped into his mind

'What am I gonna learn?'
'What's there to see?'
'How many friends will I have?'
and many more...

From the start of the little boy's first lesson,
he immediately took a liking to this subject called English,
since he was apparently the first one to know the word 'detectives' before anyone else while reading along with his teacher on the textbook,
took the point to read every textbook he had,
learning how to pronounce the words,
and understand what it meant,

From primary 1 to 6,
the little boy experienced many things,
fun,
joy,
laughter,
courtesy,
sadness,
anger,
and some sickness
but no love

Yet

From a little boy to a young teen,
He came across another milestone in his life,
Secondary School,
came again the questions that filled his collective mind,

'What will I learn?
What will I experience?
What new things will I see?'
But there was another question that lingered in back of his mind,

'Who will I love?'

Start of Secondary One was pretty much okay for the young teen,
he found out a lot of things other than learning he didn't quite realize when starting secondary school,
strange but pretty cool haircuts,
weird slangs,
vulgarities,
gangsterism,
and many more..

The young teen found it quite difficult to fit in,
and thus was labeled by some of his guy classmates as a 'nerd' and such,
the young teen pretty much didn't care about it,
he was quite fine learning and having fun with some of his other classmates

Secondary 2 came,
it was at this point of year that he would experience something,
something that will change him,
something that will forever be scarred in his mind

Everything pretty much fell apart a few months into Secondary 2,
classmates started to call him names,
prank around with him,
became the butt of jokes,
the young teen didn't quite like it one bit,
but being the small, weak teen,
he couldn't help but endure the whole charade

Secondary 3 came,
the young teen became a teenager,
the teenager expected things to be different from before,
and he was hoping for none of the past to come back

But it did.

His world came crashing to pieces again,
everything that he hated from the year before,
came back as ugly as ever,
it was till the point where he was on the verge of collapse,
the teenager couldn't deal with that much suffering in 2 years,
but he endured throughout the whole year,
he then learnt a new lesson,

Not everyone is nice, sensitive and carin.g as they seem to be

The teenager had a few good times here and there,
became a Guard Of Honour for the Speech day celebration and such,
but not enough to counter the suffering he endured throughout the year,
his trusted friends were little and few,
most were his NCC mates,
while few were his classmates,
eventhough there were a few,
he was content with the number of true friends he had

But there was one thing,
despite all that 'luck' he had for the year,
for which he was experiencing for the first time,

Love

Called it forbidden love or anything that you like,
but it was still love to him,
even thought the circumstances were risky for him at that point,
he pretty much didn't care,
but he kept careful of course

Secondary 4 came,
it pretty much didn't change at all,
the suffering continued,
his emotional and mental endurance were almost at its limit,
some unfortunate things happened to the teenager,
that pretty much made him learn a new lesson

Regret

Nothing can be said much about this lesson learnt,
as the teenager wanted to forget as much of it as possible,
his emotional state was at its lowest for the year,
he was constantly under duress,
it was then that he turned to something he had left behind for so many years

Religion

The teenager made it a point to relearn everything about sembahyang that he had forgotten throughout the years,
before this, he had constantly ignored any point to solat or go for friday prayers,
but due to one unbearable day in class,
to the point where it could no longer be held anymore in his mind,
he started questioning himself,
and started questioning Allah

'Why did you make my life like this?
What did I do to deserve this?
What is the point of this suffering?'
but the teenager knew he had to do something to change it

So, he did.

For the next few weeks, he taught himself how to solat all over again,
he memorized all the prayers and niat,
even in school,
he started to take a bit of time to sit down after praying,
and pray to Allah,
to lessen his suffering,
make those who made his life hard to suffer,
wished for a good future,
and wished for the one thing he longed,

Love

As if by some awesome force of power,
the pain that he was experiencing dampened a little after he started praying,
things went from worse to average,
the teenager was happy,
for the first time in 3 years,
he felt something

True happiness,

From that point on,
the teenager never failed to solat everyday,
even though he missed a few of the 5 times Muslims had to pray for a day,
he made sure he prayed everyday,
to instill that sense of a coming good

That coming good was answered eventually...

The teenager aced his N levels,
getting the highest out of all the normal academic classes,
he was proud,
he was happy,
and for the first time in years,
he felt true joy,

the teenager's enemies who constantly made his life hell,
had to be posted to some other school,
namely ITE,
he was happy,
that now, he would no longer be tormented,
and that his suffering would ease and ultimately end

Secondary 5 came,
things were pretty much changed,
new classmates,
new things to learn

but there was still something that he longed to feel...

That feeling came when an innocent observation of the canteen area while the teenager was eating during recess,
attracted a certain pair of eyes,
their eyes connected as if they were magnets,
the teenager made a quick smile,
the girl on the opposite table returned the smile back,
it was then that the teenager felt something

Love

Few weeks past,
the eye contact continued,
but still no true contact,

A few days past,
after he waved at the girl when she got on the bus before him,
that the teenager received a strange text message,
the text turned out to be the girl that he was constantly having eye contact with,
which was pretty weird since it was supposed to be the other way round,
for guys to find numbers of the girl they liked or had a fancy to,

One day they met,
it was the best day of his life at that point,
the teenager was madly in love,
for the first time in his life,
he truly was.

After some point in time,
they were together,
the teenager was happy,
even though it went a bit rocky at first,
but his wish was fulfilled,
and he didn't care about it.

The teenager was a great lover,
a great listener
and also,

A great kisser (which apparently even surprised himself to some point)

Come 9 months,
O levels came,
the teenager's stress levels were rising,
his maths paper was tomorrow,
to release some stress for the morrow,
he went online for a little while,
and found something so not worth while

The teenager was single back again...

Despite that,
it didn't affect his paper that day,
because he knew he had nothing and nobody to think of for the day,
and he made a decision at that point of time,
he didn't want to love anymore.

Not yet anyway...

Come 2009,
the teenager turned into a man,
no longer a baby,
no longer little boy,
no longer a young teen,
and no longer a teenager,
but a man,
with a sensible mind and improved observation skills,
a concentrated mind,
mature and strong,
with some little extras he learnt by himself,

The man was now ready for one of the few final stepping stones of his life

Polytechnic

Posted to Republic Polytechnic,
the man was pretty happy and excited about it,
he would be meeting new friends,
friends he hoped were trustworthy and better than the mess he had in the years before.

That hope was fulfilled

He had the best classmates and also the best friends he could ever ask for,
he loved being with them,
having fun,
goofing off,
working together
and sharing some misfortunes together,
the young adult had now found what he had been longing for so long,

True friends

But there was also something else he was longing,
the near extinguished flame in him wanted something,
something that would make his fire light up bright,
as hotter,
and as better than before,

Love

Several months past,
the man had a few contacts that he was quite close to,
but none were too fitting,

until one day...

The man was with his guy classmates doing the usual goofing off during 2nd break in class,
he came across one of his gal classmates outside with a couple of girls with her,
one of the man's guy classmate tapped on the glass window pane,
hoping to catch their attention,
which he did,
which they turned,
finding no one there,
which they eventually did,
after the man and his classmate went to the glass window to wave at them

The man,
curious and playful at the time,
tapped the glass pane one more time,
and attracted the attention of a certain girl,
where he turned away after she turned to look,
he took a glance back,
smiled at her,
and walked off,
thinking his encounter with her would be short

but maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, was he so wrong...

===============================
===============================
==============================
==============================
==========================
=======================
==================
================
===========
========
=====
===
==
=
:)